B-Day Weekend Blues

I turned 29 back on Thursday, (Yes, I got dumped right before my birthday), and I had to spend this past weekend at a conference in Pittsburgh. Happy birthday to me.

I flew out there armed with every single "break-up" book I could find, but none of them stopped me from text-messaging K at 8:30 on Saturday morning while I was sitting in the middle of a session on how to make kids read, or something like that.

>>>I miss you. I hate that I do, but I do.

This is what I found in my inbox when I returned to work this morning. From K:

>>>I got your text message over the weekend. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did.

It is so obvious that he could care less about me, and that hurts. I think it hurts because I thought he was one of the "nice guys." I haven't really ever dated a nice guy before, and it was a great experience. He showered me with so much attention and then BAM!, he shut down like an unplugged computer. I thought nice guys weren't supposed to behave that way.

The other reason I feel awful is because I WAS THE ONE WHO DIDN'T FEEL A SPARK IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I was the one who gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued going out with him all summer. Then, as soon as I realized I was into him, he turned around and used that line on me!

So now I've resigned myself to the fact that it is over, and I need to just pick up where I was before the last few months happened. The thing is, before we started dating, I was perfectly content with my single life. So why do I feel so lonely now? And will I ever find that "someone" I'm looking for?

10 Things I Hated About K

1. He had a kind of annoying laugh.
2. He couldn't talk about anything but cars.
3. He didn't open up about anything.
4. His car was bright banana yellow.
5. He moved out to the suburbs.
6. I couldn't have a deep intellectual conversation with him.
7. He seemed too concerned about keeping up a "manly" image.
8. He gave me totally mixed messages.
9. It took him the entire summer to finally get up the nerve to kiss me.
10. "Do you want to take a break?" (I'll explain this in more detail if you ask.)

Love--Electronic Style

Okay--I've been moping and crying for the past two days. I just need to stop thinking about what went wrong. I need to stop wondering how a guy can be so into you one minute and claim not to feel "a spark" the next minute. I need to just get back out there and meet people.

So I've decided to explore the world of online dating. I've joined Match.com. If nothing else, it's a nice diversion (almost an addiction), and it is flattering to know that my profile has been checked out nearly 300 times in less than 48 hours.

Take that, K! Who needs a man that you can't really have a deep conversation with anyway. Who needs a man who never opens up to anyone? Who needs a man who really doesn't seem to understand what I need? In short, who needs a man who acts like a BOY?

P.S. Holly--thank you for the book recommendation. I'm heading to Borders as soon as I leave work today!

Spinster Yet Again

K broke up with me this evening. I am still in shock. How is it that one minute a guy is sending you roses for no reason and the next minute claims to not feel any spark?

Last weekend we were out with friends and K introduced me as his girlfriend. Yesterday (Saturday) he backed out of plans we had and today told me that he just didn't feel a spark.

I am so in shock and so hurt. I did not see this coming. Well, actually since Wednesday I've felt something was up because he just suddenly became uncommunicative. However, I just thought maybe I was being paranoid because no person changes his feelings about you so lickety split.

By now you would have thought I'd learned to trust my intuition. Unfortunately it's never been wrong about anything.

The thing that really bothers me is that I was the one who didn't feel a "spark" at first. How dare he use that line on me now after we've been pretty involved with each other for the past three months?

He hasn't had much dating experience, and it really shows. He handled this whole thing pretty immaturely--like a high school or college guy.

Maybe I need to go back to dating older men instead of guys my own age.

I just hate the fact that as soon as I finally allowed myself to open up to him, he hurt me. I'm sick and tired of that happening. I look around and see so many other people who have no trouble meeting someone they really click with. Why do I have such a difficult time?

Haiku

Searching for haiku
After eating a big lunch
Makes me so sleepy.

Spam Be Gone!

Okay--I'm sick and tired of the wackos who leave completely unrelated comments on my blog.

NO, I DO NOT NEED A MAIL-ORDER RUSSIAN BRIDE!!!

What I Do at Work

It must be said that all jobs have their good and bad points, but I'm beginning to think that nothing beats the biggest perk of my job.

I'm actually getting paid to sit and read all day long.

We're looking for fiction and nonfiction selections for a literature anthology we're working on, which involves reading everything and anything we can get our hands on. I've rediscovered the joy of going to the library and returning to my office with stacks of interesting books.

Here's a sampling of what's on my desk right now:

• Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser


• Democracy in America, by Alexis de Tocqueville


• How Patriotic Is the Patriot Act?, by Amitai Etzioni


• Couldn't Keep It to Myself, by Wally Lamb


• The Boys of My Youth, by JoAnn Beard


• Me Talk Pretty One Day, by David Sedaris


• The Interpreter of Maladies, by Jhumpa Lahiri


• The Best American Nonrequired Reading, 2003, 2004, and 2005, ed. Dave Eggers


• The Best American Essays of the Century, ed. Joyce Carol Oates


• The Best American Essays, 2005, ed. Susan Orlean


• Riding the Bus with My Sister, by Rachel Simon