Friday Night
I was supposed to go to a friend's party tonight, but due to the fact that there's seven inches of snow on the ground, I decided to stay home. As tempting as it was, I tore myself away from my computer (and Match.com), and had what I can only describe as a multicultural night: ordering takeout from Chinalite (I think the delivery guy missed me over my past few months of coupledom), drinking an entire bottle of New Zealand Sauvingon Blanc (it's kind of hard to spell right now), and watching the movie Under the Tuscan Sun (courtesy of my new friend Netflix).
Now I have a burning desire to jump on a plane to Italy, buy a villa, and start a career as a freelance writer.
I've also been doing some thinking (as most of us are wont to do when faced with an evening alone). I've decided that the thing that bothers me most about the whole K situation is the fact that he broke up with me instead of vice versa. I think the fact that I didn't feel a spark at first and gave him the benefit of the doubt made me think that he couldn't turn the tables on me. I also think that I'm mourning the loss of that feeling of companionship--of always having automatic plans on Friday and Saturday nights. Maybe in the end his intimacy issues would have driven me away, but for now, at least I got the benefit of being part of a couple.
I know that you need to be happy within yourself before you can find happiness with someone else, and I was that way before I started dating K. I think I just got a brief taste of the good aspects of a relationship, and it was snatched away before I had a chance to experience any of its faults. I think I thought that after my horrible breakup with S (the boyfriend who got engaged to his cousin's ex-girlfriend five months after our 2 1/2 year relationship ended), I was finally getting the nice, normal relationship I deserved.
I just guessed wrong.
When I opened my fortune cookie tonight, I was greeted with the message "Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise."
I wonder if I'm supposed to be the wise man or the fool?
Now I have a burning desire to jump on a plane to Italy, buy a villa, and start a career as a freelance writer.
I've also been doing some thinking (as most of us are wont to do when faced with an evening alone). I've decided that the thing that bothers me most about the whole K situation is the fact that he broke up with me instead of vice versa. I think the fact that I didn't feel a spark at first and gave him the benefit of the doubt made me think that he couldn't turn the tables on me. I also think that I'm mourning the loss of that feeling of companionship--of always having automatic plans on Friday and Saturday nights. Maybe in the end his intimacy issues would have driven me away, but for now, at least I got the benefit of being part of a couple.
I know that you need to be happy within yourself before you can find happiness with someone else, and I was that way before I started dating K. I think I just got a brief taste of the good aspects of a relationship, and it was snatched away before I had a chance to experience any of its faults. I think I thought that after my horrible breakup with S (the boyfriend who got engaged to his cousin's ex-girlfriend five months after our 2 1/2 year relationship ended), I was finally getting the nice, normal relationship I deserved.
I just guessed wrong.
When I opened my fortune cookie tonight, I was greeted with the message "Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise."
I wonder if I'm supposed to be the wise man or the fool?
posted by Chicago Spinster @ 8:48 PM
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