Things I've Learned...

Okay, I know I haven't written in awhile (as one of you anonymously pointed out). So here's a brief summary of things I've learned through the events of the past few weeks:

1. I am not a good housekeeper. (According to my old-fashioned grandfather this is why I have trouble "keeping a man.")
2. There is such a thing as karma. (Example: When you lie to someone and tell him that you have to cancel a date because you have a cold, you get hit two-fold--with a cold AND the flu!)
3. You CAN break up with someone via text messaging.
4. Even bagels have a little donut in them. (They both have the same shape after all!)
5. Just as soon as you start dating someone, you can be assured that an old flame will appear out of the blue (in this case--my former rebound guy).
6. Lesbian bars can be pretty fun places to hang out.
7. The crossword puzzle in the New York Times Sunday magazine is one of the hardest things I've ever attempted to accomplish.
8. I suck at tennis (but according to the Bagel, I have the potential for improvement).
9. Dating someone who is only home on weekends sucks, too, especially when you find out he has to make an emergency trip to his parents' house in Boston over the forthcoming weekend and will be skiing with his cousins in Lake Tahoe the weekend after that.
10. An impromptu snowball fight followed by an evening of cuddling on the couch is a great way to spend a blustery Friday evening.

How To Break Up With Someone

Courtesy of my co-worker Joyce (and About.com). Parts of it are too funny!

You are in a relationship with someone that you are no longer romantically interested in. It's time to be honest.

Difficulty: Hard (Well, DUH!)

Time Required: 60 minutes (By what standard was this measured?)

Here's How: (Okay--I'm taking notes!)

1. Get alone with him/her. Don't do this on the phone! (Ooops, I guess text-messaging isn't appropriate either.)

2. Relax. You are doing the right thing... he needs to know the truth. (Ummm... you're just a donut, and I'm looking for a bagel?)

3. Tell him that you feel this relationship on its current level needs to end. (Which would be the level of making out in a crowded bar.)

4. Give him some time to let it sink in. (Oh--that's why it takes an hour!)

5. If he tries to convince you to give him another chance, listen to him. (And then dash his hopes all over again?)

6. Tell him that you've made up your mind. (Now I really, really, really have!)

7. Tell him at what level you would like to keep your relationship. (Ummm... how about never see you again so I don't remember how dumb I was the night we met?)

8. Listen to his response. Respect his feelings about this new level. (Should you still respect his feelings if he throws a drink in your face?)

9. Let him go when he needs to end the conversation. (This would be much easier over the phone.)

So, no problem, right? Right.

C-H-I-C-K-E-N

I should have the word tattooed across my forehead for the whole world to see, because that's what I am.

T called me twice this week about our potential date on Thursday, and instead of calling him back and talking to him, I text-messaged him. And I didn't even text-message the truth. I said I was stuck late in a meeting and couldn't go out. Then I turned off my cell phone (and missed a call from P, who had just arrived at his family's condo in Florida).

This morning, I turned on my phone to receive the following text message:

>>Sorry 2 hear that. Is anything wrong or is this really only a scheduling conflict???

Now what do I do??? I'm too much of a whuss to call him back. Is it a terrible thing if I text-message him back and simply say that I don't want to lead him on?

I'm usually the person who is receiving this kind of message. I think it's even worse to have to give it to someone else!

Taste Test

The bagel tastes WAY much better than the donut!

I went out with P again this weekend and had an absolutely wonderful time. Obviously I discovered that there is a physical attraction, too. I can't believe I actually met someone with whom I feel both the intellectual and physical spark!

Now I just hope I don't do anything to mess it up.

And there is still the whole situation with T. I actually cancelled a date we had on Saturday because I just couldn't bring myself to go out with him after the wonderful date I had with P. We tentatively made plans to have dinner on Thursday, but I need to let him know that I just don't see things progressing any further between us. How do you tell someone that without hurting their feelings?

Donuts vs. Bagels

I'm so confused.

I went out with T last night to a wine bar in Lincoln Park and had a really nice time. I realized that I am really attracted to him physically. There's something passionate about him that makes me melt, but I don't know if it goes beyond physical attraction.

Then there is P. He is also good-looking, but I am really drawn to him in an intellectual manner. Our conversations make me melt.

During a break from a meeting at work this afternoon, I was trying to explain my dilemma to my coworkers.

"Ahhhh," said my coworker Robin. "You've got yourself a donut and a bagel."

"Huh?" I said.

"A donut," said Robin, "is a guy that you're really physically attracted to and know you can have fun with at the moment. A donut tastes really good but it's not something you can eat every day for the rest of your life."

"A bagel, on the other hand," she continued, "is a guy who is really great and fulfilling and will continue to be way into the future. A bagel may not taste as delectable as a donut, but it's much better for you in the long term. And with a bagel, you have the option of making it taste better by adding some cream cheese."

Then she looked at me and said, "You're young. You can afford to indulge in the donut for a little before switching to the bagel."

Hmmmm... in this day of low-carb diets, though, I wonder if it's safe to indulge in either. What type of guy would be a hard-boiled egg or a piece of bacon?

Back in a Comfortable Routine

Today was my first day back at work after my crazy holiday weekend, and tonight I started my second-to-last class in my master's program. This quarter I'm taking "Teaching Literature" which focuses on teaching at both the secondary and post-secondary level.

Along with the standard academic text I have to read, I also get to read the following:

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafizi
Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri
City on the Make by Nelson Algren
Henry IV, Part I by William Shakespeare
Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor

Now not only do I get to read fun books for work, I also get to read them for school!

P and I e-mailed back and forth all day. We managed to have an in-depth discussion about Jack Abramoff's plea bargain. It is so refreshing to meet a guy who can CONVERSE!

I have dinner with T tomorrow night, but I kind of don't want to go. I already accepted, though, and it would be nice to talk to him when I'm not moderately intoxicated. He's definitely very cute, and I'm really attracted to him in a physical sense, but (based on my fuzzy recollections from Friday night) I don't think he'll satisfy my intellectual side. He's obviously intelligent (he has a J.D. MBA and is a partner in his firm), but we don't seem to have too much to talk about.

Oh well, I'll just have to see how it goes!

Dating Ups and Downs

Okay--I know I said I wouldn't focus on guys too much this year, but right now there is much to report.

I heard back from J1 today. He told me that he didn't feel that there was any chemistry between us. Kind of disappointed because I enjoyed talking with him, but in lieu of recent events, I don't think that I was really all that physically attracted to him anyway. However, rejection still kind of stings. And what is it with guys and the "spark/chemistry" comment lately?

I didn't even e-mail J2 to thank him--bad, I know, but I just couldn't bring myself to.

Then there is T--a guy I ended up meeting on Friday night (the infamous SushiSamba night). He had asked me for my phone number, and surprisingly called me yesterday. We have dinner plans on Wednesday. It'll be nice to talk to him without having a few glasses of wine under my belt.

And finally, there is P. We met for drinks last night and had a great time talking. So great, in fact, that we ended up making plans to meet for brunch and go ice skating today. When I woke up this morning, however, it was pouring rain. P called and asked if I still wanted to meet up. I said yes, so he said he'd come up with something else for us to do after brunch. We met at a little diner in my neighborhood and then spent the afternoon wandering around the Art Institute--very cool. He also walked me home and gave me a kiss on my front doorstep. He is really nice, so I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope I get a chance to continue to get to know him.

After this week, though, I think I'm worn out on Match.com. I think I'll keep my profile up for another week or so and then take it down. Maybe I've just gotten my fair share of dates for the moment and need to take a break.

Seriously--I'm exhausted!

Time to Begin Anew

It's 2:30 a.m. and it's still so busy outside. One of my neighbors is having a party, and I can hear strains of "Land of 1000 Dances," and "Fill Me Up, Buttercup" echoing in the courtyard.

I've just gotten home from Amber's party where, thankfully, I was able to make my exit before K showed up. I didn't have that much to drink tonight because I am still nursing a terrible hangover from Friday night.

That night, I ended up being most decidedly un-Elizabeth-Bennet-like. I'm too ashamed to even write about it here, but let's just say that Kristen and I met these guys, and I ended up acting in a matter that is totally unlike me.

Maybe it was a good thing in a way, though, because right now I just want nothing to do with guys. I feel like this entire week, I've just gotten in way over my head and need to withdraw and hide from it all. No more Match.com, no more fretting about K, no more thoughts of finding a new relationship.

So here are my resolutions for 2006:

1) I will NOT spend one minute thinking about finding a new relationship. There are other, more important things to focus on.

2) I will work on continuing to stay in physical shape and will begin to get myself into emotional shape.

3) I will not let my self-esteem be influenced by any male's behavior towards me.

4) I will focus on work, school, and my tutoring; I will give each 100% effort.

5) I will finally finish setting up my condo so it looks like a cozy home instead of a dump.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I just want 2006 to be a good year--one that I can look back on and feel fulfilled, instead of ashamed, as I do when I look back on 2005.

Please let it be so!