Last Week on Chicago Spinster...

I spent the long President's Day weekend visiting friends in NYC. I lived there for two years when I started out in publishing, and I enjoy going back there every once in a while. This time, however, it really occurred to me that I've gotten soft. I really like my life in Chicago--being able to afford my own condo, owning a car, living in a neighborhood where garbage is hidden away in alleys instead of in piles of plastic bags on the street... When I lived in NYC, I always felt proud of how I could survive there. But now I don't just merely want to survive--I want to LIVE!

One of my favorite events of the weekend was a reading at Barbes in Prospect Park. My friend Thatcher recently had a short story published in a book for young adults, and he and a few of the other contributers read some excerpts to a packed crowd sipping wine in the back room. (Here comes the plug--run out and buy Not Like I'm Jealous or Anything--it's good!)

And now for my latest scrape on the dating front:

A friend of mine--we'll call him R--asked me to go tomorrow night. At this point the Bagel hadn't asked me to do anything, so I said yes. Not terrible, right? Here's the catch. R was once my "Rebound Guy," after I ended a 2 1/2 year relationship. We had both just broken up with people and just started hanging out together. Then he got back together with his ex-girlfriend, and I ended up feeling lonely and depressed once again. Of course time passed, I got over it, and we renewed our friendship. And he broke up with said girlfriend just after New Year's.

Oh--and did I neglect to mention that I met him for dinner and a movie a few weeks ago and we ended up kissing?

This happened in the middle of my freak out about the Bagel. I just decided that if we were going to take things slow, then I wouldn't turn down other dating opportunities if they presented themselves.

So now I'm wondering how to handle tomorrow. I like R a lot but am not as attracted to him as I am to the Bagel. However, the Bagel hasn't yet given me the level of committment I'm looking for. Is it okay to see what happens with R? Or am I being a total slut?

By the way--the Bagel did end up asking me to go out tomorrow night, but I was honest (well, sort of) and told him I already had plans with a friend. So we're getting together on Sunday instead.

Now, however, I feel extremely guilty. What I'm doing is okay, right?

VD Entertainment

It's Valentine's Day, and what is one of my main tasks for the day?--to create an adapted version of the balcony scene from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Oh, the irony.

I did create a nice, easily readable adaptation, but then I couldn't resist and created a version for my own personal amusement (and yours too). Enjoy!

Adapted from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

The Valentine’s Day Fun Version

Act 2, Scene 2

The scene takes place in Mr. Capulet’s backyard. Romeo is thinking about his friend Mercutio’s rip on love.

Romeo
Mercutio’s such a fuckin’ asshole. He’s just never had a girl be that “into” him before.

[He sees Juliet climbing out from her bedroom window onto the balcony.]

Shit! Who’s up there?
Oh, it’s Juliet—-Dude! She’s such a fox! Too bad she has no clue that I totally want her.
Is she gonna say something? Should I talk to her?

[He starts to talk but chickens out.]

Dude—-she doesn’t even know I’m here. She’s probably not even thinking about me anyway. Man—-I so want a piece of that!

Juliet
[She is pouting.] Life sucks!

Romeo
Damn—-what’s she saying? Say it again so I can hear!

Juliet
Romeo—-why of all the guys in the world did you have to end up being Romeo? But, like, if you’d stand up to your dad, I’d totally do the same. I don’t want to be a stupid Capulet anyway.

Romeo
Awesome! Should I talk to her now?

Juliet
Like, it’s just ‘cause you’re a stupid Montague that my dad is so pissed. Like, what does your last name have to do with who you are anyway? You’d still be the same guy even if you had a different last name. If you’d get rid of it, I’d like totally go all the way with you.

Romeo
[He speaks directly to Juliet.] Alrighty then! I’ll make a deal with you! Just tell me how much you want me, and my last name is—-what last name?

Juliet
[She’s freaked out.] Who’s there? What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?

Romeo
Well, I can’t really tell you, dude, ‘cause I don’t have a name anymore.

Juliet
Wait! It’s, like, Romeo Montague, isn’t it?

Romeo
Not if you don’t want me to be, babe.

Juliet
How the hell did you get back here? That fence is, like, impossible to climb! And you’re so dead if my parents find you here!

Romeo
Dude, you’re so hot no fence was gonna stop me! And screw your parents, too!

Juliet
But they’ll kick your ass if they see you!

Romeo
Your bod has more control over me than a pack of pit bulls! I could care less about them if you’ll just let me feel you up.

Juliet
Like, I really hope they don’t catch you here.

Romeo
Don’t worry-—it’s way too dark outside for them to see me. And as long as you and I get busy, I could care less what happens to me later.

No VD!

I've always thought it was pretty funny that "Valentine's Day" and "venereal disease" share the same initials. :-)

Welcome to my least favorite holiday (though New Year's Eve follows at a close second). I've always hated this Hallmark/chocolate/floral industry conspiracy--even on the few occasions when I've actually HAD a valentine. (I'm pretty sure I don't this year--the Bagel seems to share my views on the whole affair.)

Why do we have to designate one day to do something nice for the one you love??? Shouldn't we be doing this all the time? Without prompting from the greeting card industry? I would be much more swept off my feet if a guy just did something impromptu--like K with the orange roses. (Of course, look how that turned out.)

I do have to say that I appreciate the epicurean kindness of those who did remember me this day--namely, my coworker, my company, and my dad. When I got to the office this morning, I found a wonderful glazed donut with red and pink sprinkles (very appropriate considering my bagel/donut dilemma). Then the receptionist delivered a huge chocolate chip cookie from the company. (Note: the label says "This is a fresh baked product. Perishable! Deliver immediately to recipient. Best if eaten upon delivery." I guess I'll just have to follow directions and gobble up the entire thing for lunch today--yummy!) And finally, I got my annual tin of popcorn from my father--the one valentine I can count on every year.

So I may not be romanced this VD, but at least I'll have lots of good things to eat!

In closing, for all of you who share my Valentine's Day views, I leave you with a poem...

"A Valentine for the Single Girl"
by Chicago Spinster

St. Valentine was executed,
Along with seven gangsters,
Richard II,
And Captain Cook,
All on February 14.
So why are all these stupid people
Parading around with roses and balloons anyway?

Deep Thought of the Day

Courtesy of Nelson Algren. I'm reading Chicago: City on the Make for class right now.

You can live in a natural home, with pictures on the walls, or you can live in a fort; but it's a lead-pipe cinch you can't live in both. You can't make an arsenal of a nation and yet expect its great cities to produce artists. It's in the nature of the overbraided brass to build walls about the minds of men--as it is in the nature of the arts to tear those dark walls down. Today, under the name of "security," the dark shades are being drawn.

Written in 1951, yet amazingly poignant today, isn't it?

Bagel Update

On Saturday morning, I happened to check my e-mail and there was a message from the Bagel.

>>so i need to call you but my plans have changed (again!). i will give
you a call later today but i am going to go to chicago tomorrow morning
and spend about 30 hours in town. so if you haven't made any monster
superbowl plans you are welcome to come with me! otherwise i don't
think i'll see you until the weekend of the 25th.

This made me very happy, and since I had planned to spend Sunday afternoon doing laundry and not really watching the Super Bowl, I of course accepted his invite. We ended up watching the game with some of his friends at a bar in Lincoln Park and had a great time! Then just the two of us went out to dinner.

So I'm feeling much better about the whole situation. However, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have something to panic about. I logged onto Match.com last week to check my friend's profile and give him some feedback. I also noticed that the Bagel hadn't logged on in about 5 weeks. Good, right? A few days later I logged on again and noticed that he's been active on the site continuously for the past few days. What does that mean? Is he planning on seeing someone else even though he said he wasn't interested in meeting anyone?

Darn modern technology--it's supposed to make our lives easier, but all it does is give me more reasons to be paranoid!

Poems I Love

Okay--since I've spent the past two days at work searching for poetry, I've stumbled across quite a few poems that really struck me. I thought I'd share them with you...

WOMAN
by Nikki Giovanni

she wanted to be a blade
of grass amid the fields
but he wouldn't agree
to be the dandelion

she wanted to be a robin singing
through the leaves
but he refused to be
her tree

she spun herself into a web
and looking for a place to rest
turned to him
but he stood straight
declining to be her corner

she tried to be a book
but he wouldn't read

she turned herself into a bulb
but he wouldn't let her grow

she decided to become
a woman
and though he still refused
to be a man
she decided it was all
right

************************************

MIXED SINGLES
by Arnold Adoff

She tosses the tennis ball high
into the air.
Her
racket comes down harder than I ever
knew
a
racket could hit.
It
is a serve into the inside corner,
that I barely see: kicking chalk
as
it flies away, untouched by me.
I know this will be love.

************************************

YOU WANT A SOCIAL LIFE, WITH FRIENDS
by Kenneth Koch

You want a social life, with friends
A passionate love life and as well
To work hard every day. What's true
Is of these three you may have two
And two can pay you dividends
But never may have three.

There isn't enough time, my friends--
Though dawn begins, yet midnight ends--
To find the time to have love, work, and friends.
Michelangelo had feeling
For Vittoria and the Ceiling
But did he go to parties at day's end?

Homer nightly went to banquets
Wrote all day but had no lockets
Bright with pictures of his Girl.
I know one who loves and parties
And has done so since his thirties
But writes hardly anything at all.

************************************

IT'S RAINING IN LOVE
by Richard Brautigan

I don't know what it is,
but I distrust myself
when I start to like a girl
a lot.
It makes me nervous.
I don't say the right things
or perhaps I start
to examine,
evaluate,
compute
what I am saying.

If I say, "Do you think it's going to rain?"
and she says, "I don't know,"
I start thinking: Does she really like me?

In other words
I get a little creepy.

A friend of mine once said,
"It's twenty times better to be friends
with someone
than it is to be in love with them."

I think he's right and besides,
it's raining somewhere, programming flowers
and keeping snails happy.
That's all taken care of.

BUT
if a girl likes me a lot
and starts getting real nervous
and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
and she says things like,
"Do you think it's going to rain?"
and I say, "It beats me,"
and she says, "Oh,"
and looks a little sad
at the clear blue California sky,
I think: Thank God it's you, baby, this time
instead of me.


Seriously, all you need to do with that last poem is swap the sexes, and you have my situation exactly!

"You Smell Heavenly"

So this afternoon I was at the library researching nature poetry. I've been spending quite a bit of time there lately--I've become acquaintances with one of the homeless men who goes and sleeps in a chair up on the second floor each day (always with a library book in hand, mind you). Today I was walking back and forth through the stacks, gathering different books I'd looked up, when a middle-aged man sitting at one of the tables in the center stopped me.

"Miss, miss!" he spoke quietly.

I turned around, quite startled that someone was speaking to me in the library.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Excuse me, but what perfume do you wear?"

Totally taken off guard, I stammered that it was Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. "It smells heavenly!"

I said thanks and quickly darted back into the stacks, making sure NOT to walk by him again.

I couldn't even smell my perfume, so I wonder how he could.

P.S. Bagel update: He e-mailed me yesterday afternoon. Not a response to my last message, just a casual "Hey, how you doing?" message in which he told me what he was doing over the weekend in Boston and about how he'd played basketball with some of his coworkers the night before. That's a good sign, right?

Analyze This

Okay--searching for nature poetry is making me fall asleep at my desk, so I thought I'd allow myself a brief minute to think about the whole Bagel situation. If anyone out there is wise in the ways of interpreting guy talk, I'd really love your take on the following communication that took place yesterday:

ME:
Hi there,

Sorry I was so paranoid last night [on the phone]. I guess I had a sudden epiphany: Just because I had decided I wasn't interested in meeting anyone else right now, it didn't necessarily mean that you felt that way too. And since we've never really talked about it, I feel kind of in limbo, which I absolutely hate.

So please always feel free to be honest with me, and I will do the same with you. Sound good? :-)

THE BAGEL:
limbo is not supposed to be pleasant :) for the record i am not really interested in meeting anyone else right now (and practically even if i did i don't know that i would have the time - i feel busy enough adding you into my life!). however i have known you for 31 days and i do not want to rush into our relationship. i mentioned to you when i met you i have a bad habit of doing just that and i find it usually leads to bad things (some preventable others not). that said i don't want you unsure on where we stand. i am more likely to be flexible and see where things go but i understand if that isn't exactly good enough for you.

i will do my best to be honest :)

AND aside from that serious bit i am somewhat tired because after i got off the phone with you they were replaying the state of the union which i had missed and i watched that since that is one of my favorite annual events for politics (i love the clapping when you are happy bits) so i was up a bit later than i wanted. i couldn't stay up for the dem response - it was awful - the new gov from virginia did it and it was one of the dullest things i had every seen.

ME:
I agree with you. 31 days is an extremely short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, and with our busy schedules it is even shorter. I also don't want to rush into anything--especially something I think has a lot of potential. But I don't think we really have to worry about it--our schedules over the next month aren't really going to let that happen, are they? :-)

I didn't mean to press any deep "relationship" talk. I was just curious as to whether or not you wanted to actively pursue other people or just sit back and see what happens between us. I've decided to choose the latter option. :-)

I am kind of glad I had class and missed the State of the Union. I hate all the happy clapping stuff--it reminds me of a high school pep rally. It was hard enough to watch it when the Democrats controlled the government!

Since these messages, there has been no communication. If he is so worried about "rushing into our relationship," I'll let him contact me when he's ready to. In the meantime, I'm going to try not to think about why guys are so good at freaking out about relationships.

Refresher Course

Okay--I need a brief reminder of my New Year's resolutions. Yesterday I realized I was starting to get the clingy tendency--meaning I started to focus way too much on the Bagel. I think it happened when I found out he wasn't coming home this weekend, and I realized how disappointed I was. Then I got the paranoid insecure feeling and ended up asking him on the phone last night whether or not he was still interested in pursuing other people. He said no but also said that he doesn't want to rush into our relationship. He has no desire to meet anyone else, and he just wants to see what happens over time with us. I interpret that to mean that he wants to see me when he has time for me but isn't going to go out of his way to make time for me. Am I right in thinking this? How can I just get myself to keep cool and not get all paranoid? I know the whole "if it's meant to be it will happen" philosophy is the way to go, but sometimes it just makes me want to scream, "WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN?"

Hence the resolution refresher course (slightly revised to reflect the present circumstances):

1) I will NOT spend one minute thinking about this relationship. There are other, more important things to focus on.
2) I will work on continuing to stay in physical shape and will force myself to get into emotional shape.
3) I will not let my self-esteem be influenced by any male's behavior towards me. (Just because the Bagel doesn't want to rush into anything doesn't mean I'm not worthy of a relationship.)
4) I will focus on work, school, and my tutoring; I will give each 100% effort (meaning I will go back to searching for nonfiction nature literature after this post).
5) I will finally finish setting up my condo so it looks like a cozy home instead of a dump.

I just need to get some balance!